I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
