I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
