Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
