I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
