i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
