I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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