Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Alive.
So much puke
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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