my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
