he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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