I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
