I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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