Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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