she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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