Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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