Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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