If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
