I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
