Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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