i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
