Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize