he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
