We're facebook friends in real life
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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