He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
