hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
