Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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