his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
