My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
