your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
