There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
