My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
