My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
