dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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