is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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