Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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