the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
