I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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