I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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