So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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