Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
