You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
