I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
too bad you live with your parents still
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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