Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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