Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
