i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
