Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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