apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are these your boobs on my camera?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
