Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
