The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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