She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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