it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
