he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's blow job season.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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