I just cut my nipple shaving
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.