I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I would fuck him just for his dog