my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
