my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
