AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.