Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.