I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
