....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bring me that man meat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
