***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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