is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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