just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
