And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
