I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
