I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
