By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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