One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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