You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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