I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Fuck appropriateness.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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