Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
