Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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