I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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