Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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